Happy New Year!

This has been one of the best new years eve yet. I got to spend it with my family and friends and still have the time of my LIFE. I started out with family. Us Portuguese have like crazy traditions, so on new years we each get 12 grapes (one for each month) and when it turns 12 we have to make a wish on each grape and eat it. Also they have crazy myths like if you leave your front door open you will travel and if you walk around your house with your suitcase you will travel, If you start the year with money in your right hand you will have financial luck. I dont necessarily believe in it, I dont think anyone does, but for the sake of fun we all did it and just laughed and had fun together. My uncle, little cousin, mom, stepdad, brother and grandparents were all here and it was just a good time. We got to have fireworks and shit since they are legal here and it was so much fun to just sit there with my family and have a genuinely good ass time. We all drank champagne and portuguese wine and got drunk together! I cant stress how much I absolutely LOVE my culture and ethnicity. it has got to be one of the most fun, exciting and vibrant cultures ever. I am Portuguese and so god damn proud. After serious family time, me and my girls went clubbing. I was the DD (of course) so I was sober but I still had a blast. My feet literally died though...I cant move from dancing so much. I just absolutely love being young!! I dont understand why people are so concerned with getting older...live your life and just have fun! Who wants to be old anyway?

I adore the feeling of being loved. I have so many good, adoring people in my life. It sucks because I never feel this love back in the states, its always when im here and of course the majority of it is due to my amazing family. Being surrounded by people who adore the shit out of you cannot be more endearing. <3 09 is going to be so amazing! I can feel it!

I hope you all had a fabulous NYE!!!

I am very very thankful to be alive. There was a huge fire in my house tonight that burnt basically the whole downstairs living room. I was right outside of it and thankfully everything went ok and no one got hurt. My friend Luis was with us and its so amazing to know that someone will put their life on the line for you and your family. I was almost passed out on the floor upstairs with all the smoke and he came and carried my downstairs. I was trying to get my grandpa out of his room because you literally could not see a damn thing cause of all the smoke. You obviously couldnt breath and I was trying to hard to find my grandpas room but i was running against the clock...i couldnt breath anymore and i was starting to feel faint and dizzy, but i couldnt find my way back to the stairs. My mom finally got my grandpa out and her and Luis put out the fire while i tried getting everyone outside. It was absolutely horrifying. You never expect those things to happen to you. I am so so soooo thankful for Luis and my mom and everyone. I am so thankful that no one was hurt and that we were where we were because if we were upstairs I would be dead..along with my family and best friend. It all started with the nativity scene my grandma has, she never turns off her christmas lights so now poof, fire. Please please pleaseeeee turn off all your christmas lights before going to bed!! I love you all and stay safe. xoxoxo

Pictures!!!

Here are the pictures I have been meaning to post!! Enjoyyy...
I always saw Twilight tonight...and with respects to those who loved it, I personally thought it was awful. I didnt see any real problem within the plot. The "problem" lasted like 10 minutes while the character development lasted the whole god damn movie. Edward was super creepy at first but I can see why people thought he was extremely charming. The dialogue, acting, and effects was all extremely stupid. I think that book should have stayed a book...it is just god awful as a film. Not to mention, unbelievably cheesy..and I usually admire cheesiness.

p.s I cant make them smaller, so click on them to view the full picture!

Ok so I wasnt feeling Carrie, so I changed it to Ashlee. The real inspiration for changing it to Ashlee Simpson was because I got a comment again today saying I looked like her if you take away her hair color and eye color. I always get that comment and although I dont necessarily agree, I accept it cause I love her so much and cause I have been getting that since sophomore year of high school. I can see it in some pictures, we both have really pronounced chins, the same shaped eyes, smile, lips and a small face....however the nose kinda messed it all up haha, but in other pictures I dont see it at all haha. Its flattering though <3

I have had one of the worst days ever. Aside from having a terrible migraine my best friend in Portugal is really sick. His family (his mom is my grandpa's brother's wife....difficult I know) has this genetic life long illness called Familial Periodic Paralyses. Basically its when your potassium level is low...its a lot more complicated than that though. You're basically born with a muscle gene mutation causing your muscles to become paralyzed for a period of time due to cold weather, too much activity, and a bunch of other things. It starts with migraines and dizziness, nausea etc then suddenly you cant move at all, youre basically paralyzed for however long (usually lasts from hours to days.) Its a really sad sad illness and although its not fatal, its life long...and they have yet to find a cure. Well turns out my friend is in a state of paralyses. I hurt for him, I really do. He is my best friend and basically the guy my whole family wants me to marry...which is a really funny story. I hope he gets out of it soon. I cant imagine going through so much pain :(

Today was also one of my friend's wedding. It was so emotional and really beautiful!! Weddings are so surreal to me. I am the girl who has been dreaming about her wedding day since I was 7 or so. Its funny cause I always talk to my mom about how i want my wedding, what songs need to be played, color coordination's, where im going to have it etc etc. I definitely want to get married in a church...my whole family is catholic, and its basically the most holy thing you can possibly do, and if i dont im basically banned from my family forever hahah. I also want it in Portugal. Those two are already set in stone haha.

anyways my migraine is killing me :(

I changed my header pic to Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie from Sex and the city. My life long obsession. I swear I will be 80 and still be watching that show! I started watching it, believe it or not when I was in 7th grade. My dad was never home and I would always hear about it so out of curiosity i watched it. I kind of want to change it again to something more colorful. We shall see I suppose.

Christmas was wonderful. I love my friends and family. I went out with some of my oldest girlfriends last night and we had this hilarious talk about each other. We decided to designate each other as a certain type of person. I was named the easy-to-love heartbreaker. hahahah who would've thought? Apparently I was named that because as soon as someone starts talking to me and getting to know me, they fall in love but im so oblivious to the world, that I will just break their hearts unconsciously. I never even knew that like half of my guy friends here have had crushes on me before...but apparently so! I cant help but be a playa sometimes ya know? haha Kidding. It was soooo nice to have a girls night out with people who know you the most out of everyone. I dont even want to get started on how nice it feels to spend time with my momma. I am definitely dreading leaving, but ill see her in like 6 months, not nearly as bad as before. I always kind of lose track of life while im here. I am back to where I was a couple months ago where I am kind of rethinking life and where I want to be. I so badly want to move back to Portugal and live the rest of my life in Europe, but the question is if its worth leaving what I already have in the states? I cant seem to answer that question no matter how many times I ask myself.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I'll post pictures from vacation at a later date, seeing as how its like 3am here, but I will leave you with an adorable picture of my Santa baby.

Eddie felt bad about yesterday so he showed up at my house today with a big can of Pirulin (the yummiest chocolate wafers you will ever have!), and a huge thing of Nutella (my love.) It made me really happy that he thought about that and made an attempt to make me feel better. I actually had the most amazing day. I felt so special all day, like it was my birthday or something. I love Eddie so much, he is my best friend and I have known him since i can remember, literally! Our parents have been friends since they were in high school, so naturally we are the best of friends and always have each others backs, I really do love and appreciate him with all my heart. this is us on my 15th birthday...probably the last time I ever took a picture with him to be honest hahaha.
Hes the one in the blue!

Today I also had a long talk with luis (eddie's little brother...also bff) about what happened between Stephen and I since he never knew the actual story, and he actually made me feel a lot better too. No one really knows the whole story because I am far too embarrassed to tell anyone, but it felt really nice to let it all out and have someone hear me out! Speaking of ex girlfriends and crazy nonsense, I came accross this article on xanga
Link
its a really funny, short little article about how crazy ex dont exist. Believe me they do...not because I have been one because I have never ever been a crazy ex, but because I have encountered quite a few of them. I refuse to make myself seem THAT desperate.

Along with 2329489234 compliments and nice little talks with friends that made this day so great, was the fact that I got the CUTEST hello kitty necklace I have ever seen!!! I will post pictures tomorrow though. I also got a cute high waisted skirt from my moms clothing line. Sadly it was too big so I made it into a strapless dress, and let me tell you...I have never been so in love with an article of clothing until today! Fuck boys! My mom is so amazing. kudos! xoxo

Personal ramblings.

Y fué tan fuerte volver a verte
Sufrí tanto tiempo por ti
Bastó mirarte, recuperarte
Y saber que te irías sin mi

Y fué tan fuerte volver a quererte
Volver a creer en los dos
Bastó mirarte, volver a amarte
Para perderte de nuevo...amor

I should have known that its inevitable to not see Stephen in this city, having the same best friend. I didn't think it was possible to hate a person as much as I hate him, or at least I think I hate him. I dont know. I saw him today, of course. Our mutual friend Eddie came by today and we joked about Stephen coming over for awhile after he told me Stephen said he was going to stop by. I wasnt kidding when I said I would not open the door if I saw him outside of it. Anyway, Eddie came and picked me up and I jokingly asked him where Stephen was since he said he was going to bring him. He said he would never do that to me and I actually believed him, although I had a feeling in my gut that I would end up seeing him by the end of the night. Not a good feeling. So one thing leads to another and he shows up at the same food joint we were all at. Good god I wanted to end my life right then and there. He had the balls to even give me a kiss on the cheek and out of respect I returned it, even though he deserves no respect at all. He was a complete ass throughout the whole night and I refused to even look at him, but I did. Whenever he would ask me something and I would ignore him, he would go out of his way to be a complete jackass and hit the table, and of course the rare times when I would ask him a question he would look at me with hate and answer it as if it were obligated. I dont know what is going on in that little brain of his, but he needs to remember that he did this. He did this when he decided to use me like a fucking pimp. He needs to remember how he hurt me, not how I respect myself enough to not be his friend, therefore leading him to think im the bitch. I hope he messages me later asking me why I act the way i do so I can explode at him and let him know what he did and remind him of the shitty ass things he put me through. I almost hate myself more for missing him too. I had to sit there and listen to him be the funny guy that I fell in love with. I had to hold back the laughter that other wise would make me cry later from how hilarious his stories are. I had to sit there and not look at him when I can see from the corner of my eye that he was looking at me. I had to sit there and listen to him be him. Its hard enough to hear stories about him, not I have to listen to him. Even though I told myself and others numerous times that I did not want to see him, I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to see how hot i am and what he was missing out on. Who he chose over who he lost, and I wanted him to see that im the same vibrant and radiant person without him. He always told me that my spunk was unique and thats why made him fall in love with me, and ever since then I have tried to keep that spunk and uniqueness about me around. I wanted him to see that without him I was still that hilarious, free, and open minded girl he once fell for.

the man behind these words, with his two little cousins.

As much as I hate to admit it, he will always be that guy who has a strong, uncontrollable hold on me. My biggest downfall and the biggest impact anyone will ever make in my life. I dont think any other break up will amount to how bad and deep this one was and its not ok. I want so badly to think that if me and Nick were to break up it would mean more to me than this but the truth is, as of right now it wont, and I dont think anything will ever be. I want so badly for him to vanish from the planet but even that wouldnt erase the memories and the thoughts that came along with this whole mess. Thats what it is, a huge fucking mess that no one will ever understand. I can tell the same story a trillion times and no one will understand why this is even happening. I have tried numerous and countless times to be his friend, because in reality its what I really want. I obviously need him in my life, because even when I try my hardest to keep him out he finds his way back in unconsciously. If hes going to be in it, I want it to be in a postive way. I have tried numerous times and countless years to make it ok between us, to make peace and be friends like we were when we were 10, but whenever it starts to be perfect, it all falls apart. I can say that we wont ever talk again, but I cant make promises.

The Veronicas

AHH, where do I even start? If you didnt already know (which im sure if you know me, you do by now) these are the amazing Veronicas. I have loved them since like freshman year of high school or so, I dont even remember when I first started liking them. Its been so long! I have been stalking them like crazy ever since, because no one knew who they were I had to go to odd places to find out any information on them. I am so proud of them though. They have been in the states for a grip of years now and their song "Untouched" form their second album "Hook me up" is being played everywhere, even Pullman...that tiny college town in eastern Washington! Who would have thought?! They are finally touring with big names like The Jonas Brothers and are going to be hosting big shows like MTV's New Years Eve party! How awesome is that? They are also planning on touring europe!! Untouched is #25 on Itunes top 100 songs, it was also #1 on z100's most requested 9@9 for like 3 straight weeks! My little secret band is finally a well known band everywhere. Its kind of bittersweet because they were always my own little secret group that I liked and no one else really knew about, but now its on everyone's status' and they are just crazy famous! I am proud of them though...I feel like they are my babies hahahaha. If you like their song "Untouched", I suggest you by their whole album! Its incredible and very funky. They are really down to earth girls too. Check out some of their videos on their youtube page too, they are really funny!

Genuis

This is unbelievably genius and hilarious.



This is why I love him oh so much!

beautiful

some random skater dude came up to me and told me I was really beautiful today....why is it that its ok when a random guy says youre beautiful but when they say youre hot its completely creepy? I dont know about anyone else, but I prefer beautiful over hot any day! I guess I didnt find it creepy at all because its the norm here. Guys are always saying things like that to girls they think are pretty or whatever so it wasnt like I was caught off guard, in fact it actually made me quite happy. Its a completely different world over here. Sometimes I despise when people are always complaining about weird things that are so normal here. For example, here when you meet someone, or see someone for the first time that day you say hi with a kiss on the cheek. I find that so personable and really kinda cute. I remember when I brought Jonas he thought it was completely awkward and complained all the time about it. I wish people had the opportunity to get out of the states and really see what the world is all about. There are soo many customs and traditions all around the world that are truly meaningful and beautiful. Meanwhile everyone in America become ignorant and blindsided.

http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/12/17/eddie-murphy-the-riddler/

Seriously? I Hope to god this is not true. The role of the riddler would have to top The joker..which is already highly if not completely unlikely. There was an article on Christopher Nolan a couple days ago and he said that in order to make a sequel to a best seller like The Dark Knight, you have to take everything up to the next level, which is completely true. I highly doubt that Eddie Murphy will be able to play such a disturbed and complicated character like the riddler, he cant act for shit and the only role he has any experience doing are shit comedies. Also Robin? Sure Shia is easy on the eyes and may be a good actor half of the time, but Robin is probably the worst character in Batman, why bring him back? He will do nothing for this movie. Christopher Nolan, please dont fuck this up!

David Bowie!

I stole Nicks David Bowie shirt...I ADORE it and just cannot stop wearing it! <3

la la la la la la la la lifes so wonderful!

As you can see I changed my header picture to my current obsession, Agyness Deyn! Im not sure what shoot this is from, I found it randomly on google, but its still just so great! I wish I could pull off that white blonde hair, but 1. I am so scared to fry my hair after all the dying I do and 2. I have such dark features, that I feel would make it look silly! Almost all of my obsessions have it and ahh I just think its so badass, even more so than the usual boring old black hair, which in my opinion is way overrated, unless of course its natural!

Vacation so far has been amazing. One of the things I love most about being here is that it always bring me back to who I am. Its natural to lose yourself in the midst of all the regular college kid excitement and transitions. I feel like although I dont notice it at the time, i lose myself a lot just in the middle of school and stress and thinking about futures and stuff but when im here it all comes back to me and it makes me realize how much I truly love my life and myself. I have so much going for me and its so nice to know and see that. I am probably the biggest dreamer you will ever meet, and I know that one day I will have everything I have ever wanted and ill look back at everything and realize that the things I thought mattered dont matter at all, and the my imperfections and flaws now only make me the beautiful person I am. I generally love life and I really do love myself. I am confident, classy and intelligent. There is no need for competitions and changing myself for anything, because who I am is exactly who I want to be, and I have to thank my family for always keeping me grounded!

Im going to a big fashion show on saturday with my friend and I cannot be more excited! I know one of the models there so hopefully I can make it in the fabulous after parties and feel like an A-lister! It shall be nothing short of amazing!

Also I have been drawing a lot lately. It is such a relaxing, creative way to just let go. I am practicing more and more so hopefully I will get confident enough to post some of my drawings!

EDIT: ahhh! Tiffany I just found out you followed me and left me comments! You are my hero because up until now I have felt like I was just talking to myself hahah. Please start blogging again! I miss and love you.

Can I just start by saying this is pure satisfaction. I love Agyness Deyn and this just makes me adore her even more! ahhh she is so hot! have you SEEN her Burberry commercial? ahhhhh!! Also can someone please explain to me why Jason Shwartzman is so sexy? I swear that whole family is very easy on the eyes.

The past like 48 hours have been insane! From creepy guy hitting on me intensely to being lost in the city with a dead phone and no cash ha! Its so nice to be here and see my mom and family again, although I must admit that being here only makes me miss Portugal so much more. Today I spoke to my aunt and cousins in Madeira for a while, its so nice to catch up and and see them even if its through a crappy quality camera. I found out that my cousin Diogo is possibly moving to England and if he does, I will most likely be joining him. He is a musician and is planning on getting places, which I totally believe he can accomplish, he has such amazing talent. His songs are so mesmerizing and he can play for days without boring me, of course I am a bit biased considering I am a sucker for acoustic music and he is the closest person to me besides my mom. Anyways, I think it would be a fantastic opportunity to live in London, I cannot even imagine!! This probably wont happen for a few years so I still have time to come to my sense and figure out what's really best for me. I am planning on going there for study abroad, of course if I dont decide to go to Milan. Speaking of which...I found out more information of my internship in Italy, it sounds as though they want someone who has already graduated and can possibly stay if they do a good enough job, and I dont know if I want that...I mean I definitely want it and I want to be able to have references and a possible job to go back to after I finish school, but right now thats not an option. I might still take it...I just have to think about it more I guess.

Im going shopping tomorrow in the city with my mommy. I am so excited to finally step foot in Zara and some other funky underground stores you can only find here. I am so ready for a wardrobe change. I need to change my look and go for a more sophisticated, edgier, more chic look. Yes yes yes I am soo ready!

Also I found out Stephen and Vanessa broke up...usually I would brush it off because they are so off and on it makes me sick but I spoke to our mutual friend Eddie about it and it seems to be a done deal. God, I hope I dont run into him!

EDIT:

ITS 0 DEGREES!!! AHHHH!!! At least the snow is pretty!

AHH! SO excited for that to come out, I wasnt always a Wolverine fan, but Nick is obsessed and his obsession has been rubbed off on me, which is why now I am frantically researching this movie. I cant wait for it, although I am a little scared they are going to take it the wrong direction. The trailer looks amazing and I just hope they dont butcher it. There are quite a few movies coming out that look fabulous! The Spirit looks good, its by the creators of Sin City and it has Eva Mendes in it which should be hot, AND SCARJO! Also that new Tom Cruise movie; Valkyrie, looks AMAZING! I am such a WWII buff, I love every single WWII/Hitler movie ever made, I just find them so fascinating and so so touching ( not in a sick and twisted sort of way where I enjoy what actually happened, its just an interesting time in history.) There is this fan made video about how Hitler is a University of Washington Husky fan and he's yelling and screaming at his people about how the Huskies are so terrible and how they got ass kicked by the WSU Cougars in the Apple Cup. The concept itself is pretty silly because of the whole college rivalry (which no one really cares about unless you go to these schools) but the clip is cut from this really intense WWII movie made in Europe ( I cant really tell what language they are speaking in or where the movie was made) but it looks really intense. I have been trying to research it or days but I think its a European movie so chances of me finding it in english are slim to none.

I havent really had time to fully check what movies are coming out within the next year but I can say off the top of my head that I am looking forward to Milk (which actually already came out, but I have yet to see it!), Transformers II, He's just not that into you; I read the book and its hilarious but I cant see it being turned into a movie...I guess we will see, Terminator Salvation (mmmm Christian Bale), Where the wild things are...if it ever comes out, Sherlock Holmes, Tim Burtons Alice In Wonderland, a couple movies based off books I have read..not sure if they will be any good AND all the Avengers movies!!

love?

I have never dated anyone who has had a long term relationship before until I started dating Nick. He dated this girl for 2 years in high school and although I was never jealous of her, I was always some what jealous of how long they dated and the memories and what not and always felt like I needed to compete and make our relationship better, mostly because, again, I never dated anyone with this history before and I didn't want to be just another girl.  He has always made a point to make me feel super special and important, just randomly without me asking which leads me to believe its true and he has also said numerous times that he has never felt this way about someone before....of course being a girl who has dated a few guys i just though he was just sweet talking me, but he's not like that and im glad! Last night we sat we talked for hours and hours about life, just everything there was to talk about we talked about...and we came across our previous relationships, he said a couple things that really made me realize that I really have absolutely nothing to worry about.  I know now that if we were to ever break up, I would be the girl that made the impact on his life and heart and I will be the girl he will always remember as his first love. In a weird way it makes me feel really satisfied and extremely good! I dont know why I needed that to make me feel better, I just dont like feeling like i'm his "other girlfriend" or the "new girl" or even worse "sloppy seconds" the thought of that really makes me hurl,so this just makes me feel more confident. I know what he means though because I can look back on all the guys I have had something with and I dont really feel anything (except for my mr. big...who is just a big Jackass) and feel nothing, sure it was cool at the time  and maybe at the time I thought it was super special,but its nothing to fuzz over now and this is just so much better.

sorry this post was extremely personal, and usually I wont really write these feelings out, but I like to read back on my posts and I know this is going to be a good one to look back in a 5 years haha. 

Merry What?

Yesterday as I was driving to work to pick up my check I drove through the enormous church located right smack dab in the middle of this tiny town that had a drive through nativity! I was ecstatic to see this because you rarely see these things in America, at least not in liberal cities that I have grown up in.  The Portuguese in me decided to drive through it and check it out, since this will probably be the only one I will see until I fly to Venezuela. It was so beautiful, and it really made realize how different American customs are in comparison to other countries. Its truly sad to see how Christmas has a completely different meaning to 99% of Americans than it does to half the world.  I was having a conversation with my Jewish friend and he told me that his family celebrate Christmas. Well this is absurd considering they're Jewish, but he told me that they do it because they dont see Christmas as a religious holiday anymore, neither does the rest of America! In Venezuela (and any other Roman country) Christmas isnt about presents and the Christmas tree, yes its about family and spending time together, but it has a completely different feel to it, a much more realistic, and personal feel. Santa Clause only exist because Americans say they do, its Jesus that brings you the presents. Its not  Christmas tree that it the true representation of Christmas, its the Nativity Scene. The Nativity scene is so important to these people that they will start preparing for it a year in advance. My own Grandmother saves a whole room just for that purpose. People will leave their doors open and windows open just to welcome complete strangers in and boast about their Nativity. Im not very religious, considering how religious my whole family is, but I do think that Christmas holds a much deeper meaning to these people. I think its even silly how Atheists and people who look down upon Catholics and Christians, will kick up their heels and go crazy over Christmas, when they dont even appreciate the true meaning and value of it. I look at it as christians celebrating Hanukah, Why not? Isnt that just another present-giving, family spending, special event? Either way, its a special day and I hope everyone (no matter what religion) has a fantastic holiday :)

Fresh

Very first post on my brand new blog. I am definitely not graphic/html savvy but I do what I can. The picture above is of Olga Kurylenko (also known as the new Bond girl) On the August 2008 Vogue Italia "suggestions." I find her so gorgeous. She has a very natural kind of beauty that i truly admire and her russian accent is fierce. I am very partial to russian models and actresses, I just find them to be one of the most gorgeous woman. Milla Jovovich, Sasha Pivovarova, Mila Kunis, they are all flawless women, its just not fair. The rest of the shoot can be seen here, I suggest everyone take a look at it, its beautiful. I will probably put up a new model or picture every month or so to kind of change things up a bit. I came across so many gorgeous pictures while looking through the community Photo-Decadent on livejournal. Again I suggest everyone take a look at it if you're into fashion photography, or even photography in general.