In Another Life

Sorry for my lack of update-age. I have been busy getting ready for spring quarter and what not! I have also lost the ability to organize my thoughts in a way where they could be displayed publicly, but I decided that it just doesnt matter anymore. HA!


I got used to living without you
Endless phone calls and dreaming about you
Always said that you were my man to be
But I guess I was in love with your memory

You know I love you, I really do
But I can't fight anymore for you
And I don't know, maybe we'll be together again
Sometime, in another life
In another life

A couple days ago I was listening to my broken heart playlist (which I KNEW was a bad decision right from the get go) and I completely broke down. For those of you who dont know, my "broken heart" playlist is full of songs that remind me of Stephen, the guy I wrote about a few entries back. Its unfortunate because I was finally starting to forget him. I really was! I should have known that one song or one memory would make me lose it completely. So I have a question: How do you completely forget about your first love who has completely ruined your life and didnt get any closure from? I know the fact that we havent had any "closure" is the main reason this situation is killing me, and has been for so long but I really dont see it happening, at all. I really just want this to end. Its hurt more than any other break up I have ever gone through and I think its really about time its over.

I have this weird habit of making connections with songs and people. There isnt a song that I listen to that doesnt remind me of someone, something or a certain memory. I am not sure if I am the only one who does this, but Im also not sure if I like it. I would like to listen to my favorite songs that dont suddenly remind me of someone I want to forget. Does anyone else do this? Im weird, I know.

On a lighter note, I bought some of the M.A.C Hello Kitty make-up! Im not really into make-up mostly because I all for natural beauty, but I could not pass up Hello kitty. I bought blush and a tinted moisturizer for your lips. I loooooooove both of them and really recommend everyone to get some! Its funny that this line coming out suddenly reminded everyone that Hello Kitty exists. I have heard a million girls talk about how they liked Hello Kitty since they were born, but honestly? Suddenly the whole worlds love her? I dont buy it.

p.s- Sorry for the lack of substance in this post, I really have nothing interesting going on my life besides the irrational thoughts going in my mind. I did however change the header picture to Scarlett Johansson because I am obsessed with her.

Happy Valentines Day!

You dont need a significant other to celebrate love.
Happy Valentines day everyone!

ramblings.

A lot has happened I feel like since the last time I posted but I feel like its all in my head. Not that im crazy its just that ive been thinking about a lot of things recently so it feels like ive been up to a lot. There has been a number of things that has made this week just unbelievably weird/ not ok.
1. Ive been feeling ill for the past week or so. My stomach is in constant pain after every thing I eat. At first I thought it was just the usual stomach acid problem I have but it stays in my stomach whereas usually it goes from my stomach to my chest and then my throat. Anyways, so my appetite has gone downhill and my body is having constant heat flashes. One second ill be freezing my bum off and the next im sweating non-stop regardless of the freezing temperature outside. I dont really know what it is but I may or may not have internal fever and that just sucks in my opinion. I feel weak and dizzy constantly as well :/
2. I found out my friend is getting married via LJ.... definitely not the way I would have liked that to go down but what can you do?
3. I worked 40 hours this week which is NOT what I signed up to do! grrrr.
4. I got harassed at work by some giant man. I would go into detail because the story is actually quite interesting but again, I dont feel good and I doubt anyone actually cares.
5. Fasfa and taxes....enough said.
6. I keep thinking about how im leaving my boyfriend and of course its making me real depressed. Ugh how come I cant have everything I want without giving something incredibly important up? I keep thinking to myself that if we are meant to be together we will be. I just have to replay that in my head until I feel better I guess.
7. I cant really think of the 7th reason but Im sure there is one somewhere!

On a lighter note, I have been so obsessed with thinking about love, relationship, marriage and everything in between! I am constantly talking to my co-worker Laura about it because shes married and the things she has to say are soooo exciting! I want that love where you never stop flirting with each other no matter how long you have been dating. I want that exciting love where randomly each one of you do little special things for the other just because you know it will make them smile! *sigh* I guess its time to watch a sappy romance film and call it a night!

Hello Kitty + M.A.C

This is like a fantasy for me being such an obsessed Hello Kitty fan! I want everything on this line!

As most of you already know, at least those of you who know me, I decided to move back to Madeira with my family. I have been thinking about this for a few months now and always turned it down for whatever reason but I don't think I can turn it down anymore. I miss my family beyond belief and I just feel like I lost a sense of myself being here pretty much alone. Everything I used to think was important no longer makes any sense, and i barely have any motivation to work for the future I was promised here in the states. I have actually never been a big fan of the states anyways and I don't really have sort of support besides my estranged father who moved to Wisconsin and my older brother who's in the army. I have never been one to depend on other people who aren't members of my family so I decided to stick to my gut and leave. I need their guidance and their company more than I need anything else right now so its what's best.
Of course i'll miss my friends and Nick but I like to look at the positive side especially in a situation like this. Im going to be living on a gorgeous island with the people I absolutely adore the most. Im going to be in EUROPE aka I can take a 50 euro trip to London WHENEVER I want!! I can also visit my Aunt in Venice whenever I want and its going to be all around amazing to be able to visit any european country without hassle or money issues. After the death of my cousin and my grandma last year, I really just dont want to miss out on anymore of my family's life . I want to be there every step of the way and I want them to be there and watch me grow as well. It all sounds super cheesy but it makes perfect sense in my head which is what counts. Im really excited and I already put in me two weeks at work. I'm really excited! I want to just skip all the sad parts and go already!

isnt it just beautiful over there?

Also my dog in Venezuela just had puppies and my mom decided to keep one! He is soooo precious and I cant wait to snuggle with him :) here are pictures!

I really miss this.

He's Just Not That Into You

So I just got back from watching the much anticipated "He's Just Not That Into You" chick flick. For those of you who dont know, its a book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo about reasons why guys and or girls play mind games with you and what they really mean. Its a funny book and surprisingly opens your eyes quite a bit, definitely recommend reading it! I was kind of scared at first because I couldnt see the book as a movie, but after seeing it was directed by the directors of Sex and The City, naturally I was interested.
I think the reason why I loved this movie is because you can totally relate. I mean for anyone who has had many crushes, made stupid relationship mistakes, or even been cheated on, you will relate! First there was the cute, dorky girl who thinks every guy is into her, sadly she gets turned down every time. She does crazy things in order to find out, and sadly she was the one I could relate to the most. I mean for anyone who has known me since middle school...you will know what I mean when I say Gigi is my other half haha. I have been the girl who stalks their crushes endlessly until they somehow (HA!) find out and completely humiliate myself. I have been the girl who made a committed guy cheat on his gf, I have been the girl who got cheated on and I have definitely been the girl to hide herself behind texting/internet (shame i know) but to be honest, I dont think i would take any of those moments back. I dont want to give too much away so all in all I highly recommend this movie!